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One in 10 people are dyslexic. Ray Robertson reports on how parents and schools can help dyslexic pupils flourish in the classroom and beyond “Chloe rushes up to her bedroom as soon as she comes home from school. If I try to ask her about her day, lessons or friends, she yells at me and slams the door.” “Danny, is a scatterbrain – ask him to do things and he forgets. I give him a few things I’d like some help with and he stands there looking confused and mouthing my instructions.” “I’m so worried about Sam, I sometimes think she is bipolar; she can be lovely, sociable, kind – she has some great friends, she loves sport and art, but she can get so angry and frustrated; it’s as if she’s a different girl altogether.” If you can see your son or daughter in one of these quotes, it may be a sign that he or she has dyslexia.The first thing you need to know is that dyslexia effects at least 10% of any given population. This makes it one of the most common learning difficulties in the world. The good news is that dyslexia has nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with the brain processing information differently. It is also known to run in families. If you have a dyslexic child, take a look at your family; you may recognise the same traits in other family members. In fact, in taking a close look at your son or daughter, you may begin to see why you struggled so much through school yourself. SEEING THINGS DIFFERENTLY Thankfully, attitudes towards dyslexia have become much more enlightened in recent years but for some, there is still a massive stigma attached to these children, who have what is perceived as a learning abnormality. It’s essential that you find a school that celebrates dyslexia as a gift rather than seeing it as a special educational need. Fail to do so, and students can become casualties of an education process that has pushed them to the back of the class, sent them out because they are causing a disturbance, told them they are not trying or are just stupid. In reality, they simply see things differently; the way they learn does not match the way they have been taught and frustration has led to outbursts or disruptive behaviour. As this cycle of imposed failure and rejection occurs again and again, the child retreats into his or her own world. Interesting enough, when it comes to teaching methods, what works best for a dyslexic, actually works best for all children. Every child has a preferred way to learn; if teaching and learning is tailored then not only does it become much more effective, it becomes much more enjoyable. At school, teachers will want to discuss a student’s problems with reading and writing, the jumbling up of words and possibly poor organisation or difficulty carrying out a sequence of directions. Perhaps the one most common factor for dyslexics is how they process information and instructions. Their processing speed is much slower, meaning they become very easily confused by multiple instructions. If you would like to try something simple at home to help ease frustrations on both sides, you can try a technique that teachers call “chunking”. Rather than asking your son or daughter to do multiple things, just say, “Please can you help me by taking the trash out?” Follow up with the next request once this has been achieved and make sure you praise them every time they succeed in achieving a task. UNLOCKING THE POTENTIAL There’s no doubt that dyslexics can flourish in a mainstream academic context, provided they are enrolled in a truly inclusive school that caters for children who learn differently. A model of small classes, highly specialised mainstream teachers, expert 1:1 and small group SEN specialists, who teach strategies that dyslexic children are able to use in mainstream lessons, provides the academic springboard for achievement. Dyslexic students need to be encouraged to use their laptops for writing – there are so many speech-to-text and text-to-speech apps available to ease the process. They can also use their phone to set reminders – to help them remember what they need to do and coordinate where they need to be. A good mind mapping programme is also invaluable, so children can put their ideas down quickly before they forget them, and then get them into an order once they are recorded. A lot of the stress for dyslexic pupils is remembering where all their pieces of work are and what they need to revise. Technology like Google Classroom that allows work to be saved to a cloud can do this for them meaning their anxiety levels decrease. While getting away from the neurotypical chalk- and- talk approach and into engaging kinaesthetic learning is essential, there has to be a wider mechanism in place to unlock a dyslexic child’s full potential. Dyslexics need to be inspired to fulfil their absolute holistic potential, in academic, physical and moral aspects of life. Provide an environment that develops each of these areas and you will discover a young adult ready to take on the world. Focus on developing character, confidence, leadership and self-esteem, and then wonders can happen. There is still one more key to a truly holistic education and it is very simple – creating a sense of belonging for every child. School should not just be a school; it should be a community where both pupils and parents find a place of belonging. Education is a three-way partnership between parents, children and the school. We all know, sometimes with a certain amount of embarrassment or even pain, that learning actually comes most effectively through failure. We need to encourage dyslexic children to just try things and not worry about whether it will work or not. The home and school environment needs to be a place where failure can be safe and positive – a place of belonging. In such a place, children know that there will always be someone to pick them up, put them back on their feet, dust them down and say, “Here have another go.”

Find out how to cheat your way to the perfect birthday bash without leaving DB Planning kids’ parties gets easier as they get older. Once they hit their tweens, you don’t have to invite their whole class along, and you can pret ty much get away with a movie (plus hot dogs and popcorn) for a couple of besties. But for younger kids, parties need to be more elaborate – and there’s more competition involved – so it ’s worth thinking seriously about what you want to achieve and all the exciting alternatives on offer. As any parent will tell you, the basic elements that need to come together are the supplies, the venue and the refreshments (including the all-important birthday cake). Get these worked out well in advance and you should be able to cheat your way to a fun, relatively hassle-free birthday bash. The first thing you, or rather the birthday boy or girl needs to decide on is the theme. Go with unicorns, pirates, princesses, or minions… whatever’s on their radar at the time. The theme is a big deal because it will dictate the look of the party, of everything from the invitations to the cake. ESSENTIAL SUPPLIES For the sake of your time and sanity – not to mention the environment – avoid paper invitations. Choosing an electronic invitation service, such as Paperless Post, keeps the process straightforward and makes your guest list easy to manage digitally. Get the invitations sent out at least a month in advance to avoid disappointment. If you follow this writer’s advice, you won’t be needing much in the way of party decorations but you will need basic supplies – balloons, tableware, wrapping paper and those all-important take-home party bags. For all these, look no further than the dedicated Partytime shop-in-shop at Bookazine in DB North Plaza (2987 1373). You’ll find a quality range in cool colours and of-the-minute themes. But back to the party bags. What do you put inside them? You can relate the contents to the party theme (as long as it’s unisex) or you can make up two sets of bags, one for the boys and one for the girls. But one-bag-fits-all is the best (easiest) way to go. Young partygoers will thank you for fun treats like bubble wands, whoopee cushions and, of course, slime. THE VENUE Be wary about hosting a children’s party at home; it’s a big ask. Your living room will get wrecked, and you’ll find yourself running around organising games, breaking up fights and laying out food, while the other parents relax in the corner drinking your Prosecco. The best bet, unless the weather is truly dreadful, is to take the party outdoors. This way, the kids will be able to let off steam without destroying your home and you’ll find you have a lot less to do – lay on sunscreen, bug spray and a bunch of water games, and you’re good to go. If you don’t have a garden, check in with your village management office to see if your local playground is available for hire, or simply hit up Tai Pak Wan. If you can afford to add on a bouncy castle, do it! Kids never get tired of inflatables and they’ll play on them for hours. Talk to Ben White at Pui O-based Jumping Castles (9662 1747). Ben delivers free to DB and his castles all feature a jump area and a slide of some sort and they come in small, medium and large sizes – the small ones suited for children as young as two and the largest good for kids up to 12. All you need for Ben to set up an inflatable is a reasonably level area – indoors or out. For added fun, he can also supply a helium-balloon kit that includes a recyclable helium tank and 50 balloons. Or how about an ice-skating party? At DB Ice Rink in DB Plaza (2234 0187), there’s fun to be had for kids of all ages, and skating aids to guide the less steady partygoers across the ice. The staff are happy to help you set up your own catering supplies at the rink – and, if you want to sit back while the staff teach (and supervise) your partygoers, you can book a group lesson. Equally close to home, EpicLand in DB Nor th (2441 0098) is a great one-stop party option catering for groups of 10 to 50 plus. A typical party package at the 14,000-square-foot indoor entertainment centre includes party invites and banners, two hours use of a private function room and access to the play zones. Slime, nerf, art, disco and laser-tag party packages are also on offer. THE MAIN EVENT Kid’s parties today aren’t the jelly-and-ice-cream sit-down affairs many of us remember, so don’t feel you need to provide a full-on spread. If you’re heading to the beach, or any venue where food is not provided, a good option is to present the food in individual party boxes. Keep things simple and cute, you only need a few items in each box – a cheese straw, a homemade sandwich, some crisps/ grapes, a small yoghurt and plastic spoon, a fairy cake, a pretty napkin and a paper hat. This is a fairly healthy option too, right? No doubt, small people love additive-packed, sugary snacks but you’re well advised to jettison the junk, and avoid the dreaded sugar-crash tantrums too! For tunately, festive food is extremely easy to hack while keeping all the fun and flavour. Start with the bubbly: add citrus slices to sparkling mineral water for a refreshing tipple, or try infusing whole jugs with mint, cucumber, apple chunks and strawberries for a carbonated cocktail. Meanwhile, swap salty crisps and pretzels in favour of crudités and veggie-based dips and, assuming no allergy restrictions, switch salted peanuts for almonds, walnuts and cashews gently toasted without oil in the oven. Taking it easy with the snacks frees you up to go big on the main event – the birthday cake, everyone’s favourite part of a party. Whether you’re looking for a 2D Bob the Builder or a 3D mermaid on a rock, bakeries like Complete Deelite in Central (3167 7022) can whip up the requisite confection to match any party theme, as well as health-focused “naked” birthday cakes and cupcakes – where the sides remain un-iced. If you’re looking to go a step further, and brave enough to DIY, then it’s easy to find instructions for gluten-, nut- and refined-sugar-free birthday cakes online. These “free-from” cakes are healthy and wholesome, and can look every bit as good as the regular ones. Simply search for diabetic-friendly bake recipes; you can add natural sweetness later with fruit toppings. So there you have it; throwing a successful kid’s party is doable… and can be a lot of fun. Just be sure to plan ahead and pull out all the stops, you don’t want to be known as the parent who threw the boring bir thday bash.

There are plenty of reasons to encourage kids to snuggle up and get lost in the pages of a book (or Kindle). Here are some you may not have considered Do you remember that friend who could spin a story out of thin air? Or that classmate who always had the most creative ideas? Chances are, they were one of those kids who spent their time immersed in books. Children who read a lot are used to analysing complex plots, understanding character motivations and predicting outcomes. They often develop strong critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which can be invaluable in later life. Moreover, their broad vocabulary, effective communication skills and empathetic nature (all a product of their reading habits) can give them an edge at school and beyond. Their love for learning and open-mindedness can contribute to personal growth and fulfilment as well. When children spend their time reading, they’re constantly exploring new worlds, meeting different characters and living through a whirlwind of adventures. All of these experiences fuel the imagination. Books encourage children to visualise the story in their minds; this enhances their ability to imagine scenarios, people and places. It’s no surprise then that children who love to read often have a knack for creativity and can think outside the box. COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY There’s a good chance that children who are well able to express their thoughts and feelings, are bookish. Reading opens up a whole universe of words, phrases, idioms and expressions. It helps children understand the nuances of language and how different words can be used to convey various emotions and ideas; it provides children with a rich vocabulary and a flair for expressing themselves. What’s more, children who spend lot of time lost in books truly understand the power of words. They’ve laughed, cried, been inspired and felt a whole range of emotions, all thanks to the words on a page. They’ve seen how words can build and destroy, heal and hurt, inspire and demotivate. They know that a well-placed word can change a situation or even a life. And they carry this understanding into their interactions with others. They’re mindful of what they say, how they say it, and when they say it because they know the impact their words can have. They value meaningful conversations and aren’t afraid to delve deep. Avid readers tend to excel at conversation, debating or any situation that requires clear and effective communication. But it’s not just about talking. Reading also improves listening skills as it trains the mind to absorb information, follow complex plots and understand different viewpoints. It follows then, that children who devour books have a heightened ability to understand and share the feelings of others. They’re often incredibly empathic. Children who love to read grow up engrossed in stories about characters from all walks of life. Whether it’s empathising with Charlie as he navigates the challenges of the chocolate factory or feeling the pain of Scout as she grapples with racial injustice, reading allows children to walk in someone else’s shoes, even if just for a few hundred pages. This results in something magical: it ensures children have compassion and can easily connect with others on an emotional level. It helps children understand that everyone has their own story, their own battles and their own unique perspective. LOVE OF LEARNING Children who spend a lot of time reading often develop an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. They’re the ones who are always curious, always questioning and always seeking answers. Books have taught them that there’s a wealth of knowledge out there waiting to be explored. They understand that every day offers an opportunity to learn something new and they grab it with both hands. There’s a certain beauty in the way children who grow up reading a lot perceive the world. It’s as if they’ve been gifted a pair of 3D glasses that allows them to see life from various angles. Books have the amazing ability to transport children to different places, times and cultures. One day they’re a wizard in England, the next they’re a geisha in Japan, and then a rebel in a dystopian future. This exposure to diverse perspectives helps children develop an understanding and appreciation for different cultures, traditions and ways of life. And it’s not just about geographical or cultural diversity. Books also expose children to a myriad of ideas, philosophies and ideologies. This exposure broadens their horizon and makes them more openminded and accepting. Another benefit? Reading helps children develop their ability to focus. Imagine a child engrossed for the first time in the adventures of Jane Eyre or Oliver Twist, completely oblivious to the noise of the television in the next room or their siblings’ chatter. That level of concentration isn’t easy to achieve. Reading requires children to sit still, concentrate on the words and let their mind weave a mental tapestry of the story. It’s an exercise in mindfulness that helps children improve their attention span and ability to focus on one task at a time. PERSONAL FULFILLMENT This might sound like a bit of a reach, but children who spend a lot of time immersed in books are independent and self-fulfilled. For instance, they understand that being alone doesn’t always mean being lonely. Reading is a solitary activity, and children come to realise that sometimes, they need that space: that quiet corner where they can dive into another world and forget about everything else. Growing up as keen readers, children learn to enjoy their own company. They understand that sometimes, it’s fine to step back from the crowd and spend some time with their thoughts (or a good book). It’s not about being anti-social or aloof, lonely or isolated; it’s about finding comfort and peace in solitude. Likewise, reading teaches patience. Whether it’s waiting for the plot to unfold, for a character’s redemption, or simply for the next book in a series to be released, reading isn’t about instant gratification: it requires time and patience. Reading’s not like watching a twohour movie where everything wraps up neatly. You have to invest yourself in it, and turn page after page to see how the story unfolds. This habit of waiting for the climax or resolution in books, allows children to learn that good things take time, and that it’s OK to wait, to be patient and trust the process. Lastly, children who love to read know how to find joy in simple things. There’s something undeniably pleasurable about curling up with a good book (or Kindle) on a rainy day, and loosing oneself in a wonderful story. This ability to find pleasure in little things extends beyond children’s reading habits. It reflects in their life too. They appreciate small gestures and cherish quiet moments. They understand that Dumbledore was right when he said: “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

We put a lot of focus into teaching our kids to clean their rooms, act responsibly and do their homework. These things are important, but there’s one thing that’s more important: teaching kids to enjoy life As parents, there is nothing we want more than to make sure our children are happy. Their contentment and wellbeing, after all, is – in some ways – within our power. But what makes a happy child? Is it giving into their every whim – and granting them more screen time – or is it about building secure at tachments, validating their experiences and encouraging autonomy? Being happy, proud and fulfilled aren’t just emotions that leave us feeling warm and fuzzy. Concrete positive outcomes are life-affirming, and they are associated with better school attendance, better academic performance, better self-esteem and better overall health. So how do we raise our children to be happy? WHAT MAKES A CHILD HAPPY? While happiness may seem rather basic – one is either happy or not – many things can contribute to a child’s happiness. External stimuli, for example, may make a child happy (or, conversely, it could make a child sad). Validation can result in peace and contentment, and friendships can be full of pleasure and joy. But there is no one thing which makes children happy. There is also no way to ensure a child is always happy. Full-time happiness is a myth, something that is impossible to attain. Still, there are skills you can teach your children to help them enjoy life to the full. Nurturing resilience is essential: empowering children to be resilient sets them up for positive, constructive experiences and helps them learn how to deal with difficult situations. It can also help them bounce back, when stressors occur. Encourage your children’s ability to successfully adapt, positively transform and return to their baseline despite being surrounded by stressors and adversity. Teaching kids to believe in themselves is never a bad decision, so instead of mollycoddling or overprotecting, focus on building autonomy and self-efficacy. Once children have control over their own decision-making and become confident in their decisions, they feel empowered to take an active part in creating their own happiness. Encouraging problem-solving – in school, with friends and with you – is a first step. By talking through difficult situations, you help your child learn how to handle the problems they’re facing currently and that they will face in the future. Empathy, being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, is a skill everyone should learn. Children benefit from appreciating each other’s similarities and differences, and the ability to empathise with the people around them helps them build fulfilling relationships. Likewise, it’s impor tant for children to understand the need for emotional regulation and impulse control. Incorporating mindfulness into their routine and encouraging them to be aware of their feelings helps with this. POSITIVE PARENTING Children need to feel supported (and loved) in order to become happy and healthy. They also need to be inspired by your own attitude to life and willingness to embrace happiness. Here are a few ways you can do that. Foster connections: let your children see that you are actively involved in other people’s lives and, most importantly, their own. Spend quality time together having fun. Have meaningful conversations with them about school, friends and hobbies. Talk through and validate their experiences, and be open and honest about your own. Model what happiness means to you: from practicing self-care to meditating, reading and moving your body, engaging in activities that bring you happiness will encourage your child to do the same. One of the best things you can do for your child’s emotional (and physical) wellbeing is to attend to your own. Practice gratitude: help your children feel safe, secure and happy by expressing thankfulness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, prioritise their health, deal with adversity and build strong relationships. So how do you foster gratitude in children? One simple way is to ask them to take time daily – before or during a meal, for example – to name aloud something they are thankful for. Then, make it a regular ritual. Discourage consumerism: children need to understand that while money can give them the oppor tunity to be happy, they can’t consume their way to happiness. How do you teach them this? Start by explaining that shopping is not a recreational activity, and follow through by limiting time spent in stores and malls. Many children get so much stuff nowadays that it quickly becomes overkill. By giving children too many gifts, you encourage them to believe that having things brings happiness – so try to avoid that, even on birthdays. As for your own birthday, use it as an opportunity to reinforce your values. You might discourage gifts and instead ask your child to share a memory with you of a favourite family activity. You can also help your children dream up gifts for your spouse that will be meaningful, like a handmade card, a homebaked cake or a self-penned poem. Play games with your children to demonstrate how much fun can be had with a simple deck of cards. Make a treehouse or bake a cake with them to show the pleasure of a productive activity. Go to a museum to show them the pleasure of an intellectual activity. DON’T TRY TOO HARD It sounds counterintuitive, but the best thing you can do for your children’s long-term happiness may be to stop trying to keep them happy. If we put our children in a bubble and grant them their every wish and desire, that is what they grow to expect… but the real world doesn’t work that way. To keep from overcoddling, recognise that you are not responsible for your child’s happiness. If we feel responsible for our children’s emotions, we have great difficulty allowing them to experience anger, sadness, or frustration. We swoop in immediately to give them whatever we think will bring a smile to their face, or solve whatever is causing them distress. Unfor tunately, children who don’t learn to deal with negative emotions are in danger of being crushed by them as adolescents and adults. Once you accept this, you’ll be less inclined to try to “fix” their feelings – and more likely to step back and allow them to develop the coping skills and resilience they’ll need to bounce back from life’s inevitable setbacks. Of course, if you really want to bolster your child’s self-esteem, focus less on compliments and more on providing them with ample oppor tunities to learn new skills. Mastery, not praise, is the real self-esteem builder. The great mistake good parents make is doing too much for their children. While it can be difficult to watch our children struggle, they’ll never know the thrill of mastery unless we allow them to risk failure. Few skills are per fected on a first try, becoming proficient in something takes practice. And through repeated experiences of mastery, children develop the can-do attitude that lets them approach future challenges with the zest and optimism that are central to a happy life.

Use the excitement and buzz surrounding Valentine’s Day to spend some fun family time together, while encouraging kindness and gratitude There’s nothing (aside from coffee) that makes the world go round quite as much as love, and February 14 is all about celebrating those warm and fuzzy feelings with the people who touch your hear t the very most. And while your pre-kids Valentine’s Day routine may have included candlelit dinners, chilled champers and lavish lingerie, it’s still possible to embrace that loving feeling with small people in tow. Start by discussing the origin of Valentine’s Day – something of a mystery, as there are actually not one, but three Saint Valentine’s to be found in the record books, with little known of their lives. The Valentine’s Day that we now celebrate was most likely created in the 14th century by the English poet and author, Geoffrey Chaucer. He wrote of the engagement of King Richard II to Anne of Bohemia: “For this was on St Valentine’s Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.” It was believed during this period that birds would pair for life each year in mid-February, leading to the association with romantic love and partnership that endures to this day. DIY LOVE LETTERS It first became customary for lovers to exchange handwritten notes back in the 18th century, when Valentine’s cards would be cut into heart-, dove- and cherub-shaped outlines and finished with lace. These days, February 14 sees us showering our loved ones with gifts and even jewellery; e-cards are an increasingly popular way of marking the day. Encourage children to hand-decorate a card for the person that they love and admire the most – be this a family member, teacher or friend. You can provide them with simple materials such as construction paper, stickers, markers, paper hearts, glitter and glue, and let them get creative. Add to the fun by encouraging children to send their message anonymously, leaving the recipient to guess who their secret admirer might be. A fun twist for little ones is to sign their name in invisible ink (make this at home by blending water with lemon juice). They can then offer a few cryptic clues as to their true identity. The grand reveal can be achieved by simply holding the paper up to the light. Valentine’s Day gives children a chance to tell those who are close to them the things they appreciate and love about them. A fun way for them to do this is by crafting a gratitude box; a fun and af fordable Valentine’s Day gift, that’s also very meaningful. Give your child a shoebox to decorate and then have them fill it with unsigned letters and tokens of appreciation. Deliver the box in secret and try not to get caught! SAY IT WITH FLOWERS For many an old romantic, Valentine’s Day is synonymous with red roses. What you may not know is that your bouquet may hold hidden significance – 50 red roses are said to symbolise eternal love, 12 are for gratitude, while two bound together represent an engagement. Always count your stems carefully! But it’s not all about the rose, which – especially at this time of year – can be over-priced and hard to find. Hinduism recognises the jasmine flower as a symbol of love, while pink, red and white carnations all carry romantic associations. Meanwhile, here in Hong Kong, our beloved bamboo not only makes for sturdy scaffolding, but also represents resilience and grace, making it a thoughtful component of any Valentine’s Day bouquet. To get the kids in on the act, take a trip to Prince Edward then wander Flower Market Road, allowing them to customise their very own bunch of blooms. Alternatively, you can help the kids make their own colourful paper bouquets. Cut individual petals, and then use a paper punch to create small holes in the bottom of each one, before threading through a lollipop “stem” to fasten your flower together. Wrap in brown paper for an authentic florist ’s feel then let them distribute a little floral sweetness to friends. HANG OUT AT HOME Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your kids and show them how much you love them. So why not organise a Valentine’s Day picnic or scavenger hunt? You could set aside time after school (February 14 falls on a Wednesday this year) to snuggle up together with some popcorn and watch a romantic or family-friendly movie. Or you could invite besties over for a full-blown Valentine’s Day party, complete with heart-themed crafts and games, a piñata and sweet treats. For something a little different, you could surprise the kids with a Valentine’s Day photo shoot – set up a fun backdrop and props and let them take turns posing for cute Valentine’s Day photos. Or make a Valentine’s Day time capsule – have the kids collect special items and memories from the day and put them in a box to be opened and enjoyed in the future. Whatever you end up doing, you’ll need some fuel aka sweet Valentine’s Day treats, so get the kids into the kitchen to bake. Little chefs will love helping you whip up chocolate bark, heart-shaped sugar cookies, or crispy rice treats. For something healthier that doubles up as a fun family activity, try dipping strawberries in melted chocolate before cooling in the fridge. (Alternatively, stock up on Belgian truffles and save them until the kids are asleep.) A DOZEN GAMES TO PLAY • Valentine’s Day tic-tac-toe • Make sentences using “conversation heart” candies • Valentine’s Day bingo • See who can decorate a Valentine’s Day card fastest • Valentine’s Day word searches • Make a DIY hopscotch game using cut-out hearts • Valentine’s Day “Outburst” with DIY topics • Pin the arrow on the heart • Valentine’s Day colouring pages • Play “I spy” (pink or red things only) • Valentine’s Day ring toss using pink or red cups • Try to blindly identify different types of chocolate COUPLES ONLY While it’s great to share the love with all the family, it’s important for busy parents to take time together. To help with this, the Auberge is laying on the love on February 14 with a Valentine’s Day Staycation Package which includes one night in a mountain view room, breakfast buffet for two and set dinner for two, plus a cocktail-making workshop. If all that indulgence sounds too much, grab your significant other and hit up The Trail Hub’s annual Valentine’s Day Race, scheduled for February 4 this year. Starting and finishing at Treasure Island on Pui O Beach, you can choose to run either the 15-kilometre Tough Love or the 9-kilometre Easy Love, both open to teams of two. All partners must finish the course together, making it a trust, as well as a physical exercise, and a great way to work up a sweat together!

There’s a knack to talking to kids in a way that gets them interested and talking back: you need to use the right words, make it fun and, above all, get your timing right Not all grown-ups are fun to talk to because not all grown-ups know how to talk to kids. Knowing how to engage children in order to get a conversation going is an invaluable parenting skill and, for most of us, it’s something we have to learn. Getting the approach and the vocabulary right takes a bit of effort at first but there are some simple steps to follow. Let’s take a look. THE RIGHT QUESTIONS TO ASK Firstly, be specific. Questions like “how are you?” and “what have you been up to?” are fine to use with other adults, where they function as icebreakers but they mean very little to children. This is because these questions are too large; there are too many possible responses. Very wide questions are going to be met with a bored eyeroll or a monosyllabic rebuff at best. So instead of asking a big question like “how was your playdate with Jane?” ask “what was the funniest thing Jane said on your playdate?” or “what games did you and Jane play”. Secondly, really listen: don’t take what your child says at face value, enter their world and look for unexpected connections. If the answer doesn’t make sense on the surface, be inquisitive and keep digging. When you unearth the connection, it will usually be surprisingly logical. For example, you might ask your child: “If snow could have a flavour, what would you choose?” Their answer: “Broccoli.” Mystified by this response? Then ask for clarification: “Why’s that?” Their answer: “If snow tasted good everyone would eat it and there’d be none left to play in.” It’s also important to talk about emotions. When your child gets home from school or back from a playdate, notice whether they are pent-up and withdrawn, or all smiles and giggly. Try to “name” their emotion when you see it. For example, you could say: “You look so happy! Something fun must have happened today. What was it?” See whether this helps your child open up. Consider too the way you phrase your questions. Avoid starting questions with “did,” which will elicit a “yes” or “no” answer, or “why,” which can get an “I don’t know”. “What” is a much better opener. For example: “What made you laugh today?” “What was your favourite thing that happened today?” “What did you enjoy most about playtime?” “What did Mrs Pearse explain in maths class today?” Always be prepared to ask follow-up and clarifying questions. Options make things easier too: “Do you prefer pink spotted monsters or blue wiggly monsters? How come?” or “If you had to choose between having water or electricity, which would you choose? How come?” KEEPING IT REAL Teaching your child how to converse begins with you, so model what it sounds like to talk about your day, and encourage them to ask you questions. You could say: “When I was at work today, it was really funny, someone brought in a cake and it was my favourite flavour. Can you guess what kind of cake it was?” Talk about something real, something that made you laugh or surprised you, someone you spoke to, what you had for lunch, what happened on the ferry home. Sharing your day makes it more likely that your child will want to share about their day. When asking your child questions, it’s important to come from an informed place. Anyone can ask “how was school?” and they will likely get that bored eyeroll in response. If you want your child to share real stuff with you, you need to know what is actually going on with them. Relevant questions will elicit a real response. Ask: “You had swimming today: did Mrs Lee help you with your crawl?” or “Are you and James besties again? How did you make up?” Children like to talk on a level, like friends. Talking is easier for them if they are laughing and having fun. Children prefer funny chats with adults because firstly, they know they aren’t in trouble and secondly, serious chats are harder than funny ones. So be zany and inventive. Think Edward Lear; think Spike Milligan. Throw in a made-up word now and then. Ask wacky, age-appropriate questions: “What would you do if you had four arms?” “If you were a tiny mouse, would you be like Stuart Little or Desperaux?” “Would you rather live in a box with a litter of cats or live in a tree stump with a badger?” And a word about swearing: having a zero-tolerance policy is pretty outdated. You need to teach children the difference between swearing at someone and swearing to release joy or frustration, and you need to teach them about the consequences of swearing somewhere inappropriate, like school. But that’s about it. To think that kids will hear swear words and automatically be upset or start mindlessly spouting profanities is rubbish. It’s OK to swear around your kids, and you need to chill out when other people swear around them. This is real life, not a Jane Austen novel. TIMING IS EVERYTHING Children can only be expected to hold a meaningful conversation when they are calm and their basic needs have been met, so get your timing right. For instance, asking a child a bunch of questions as soon as they get home from school might seem natural to you, but it can be the worst time for them. Most adults want to switch off after work and let go of their day – children are the same. They will have been asked questions all day and might still be in a “performance” mindset; their mind needs a break and they need a chance to eat, play and rest. Be patient and wait until your child is ready to talk. Make conversation a habit, at a time that suits your child. Bedtime can be a good time to talk, when they are relaxed and winding down before going to sleep. This is when they will enjoy opening up, especially if you’re lying next to them… avoid doing that face-to-face thing that can feel confrontational. With young children, engaging in an activity can be a smart way to start a conversation. Take out some plasticine, or a colouring book or a puzzle, and then say: “Remind me… you were saying the other day that being in Year 2 is really different. How come?” Talking in this way feels less like an interview, and more like fun. If your child is in their early teens, you need to take other factors into account. You’ve got to remember that their peer group is really, really important to them, and that they may prefer to share their thoughts with friends. Again, timing is all important: be open to speaking on their schedule and asking about something that’s concerning you more than once. Whenever possible keep the conversation light. Remember not all grown-ups are fun to talk to but you are.

We don’t set boundaries to make children happy in the moment; we set boundaries to prioritise our children’s wellbeing and prepare them to launch successfully into the world. Find out how it’s done Boundaries are actions we take to keep our kids safe and healthy. They are part of the parenting job description because it’s our responsibility to make decisions that are good for our child’s wellbeing, both in the short and long term. Setting these boundaries can be a tricky part of parenting but it’s something we need to prioritise. Our children may think that 10 tablespoons of Nutella amount to a nutritious dinner but we are the adults and we have more information. Likewise, our children may not agree that meeting BruisedKnuckles4, with whom they recently connected online, is a risky idea... but as adults, we need to hold the line in the interests of safety. Depending on parenting style, some of us find the important work of establishing and maintaining limits easier to attend to than others. The challenge can be figuring out just how to go about setting boundaries that are firm, fair and effective. So let’s take a closer look at what boundaries for young children are all about, and how we can best use them for the intended purpose of keeping kids safe. HOW TO STRUCTURE A BOUNDARY Firstly, the tone of our delivery is important when we’re discussing boundaries with our kids: clear, calm and decisive is the goal. Secondly, the way we structure a boundary – the language we use to define action and responsibility – can make a big difference to our parenting interactions. Here’s what you need to know: boundaries are not what we tell kids not to do; boundaries are what we tell kids we will do. Boundaries embody our authority as a parent and don’t require our child to do anything. We are not asking the child to be happy about, agree with or comply with the boundary. We are simply telling the child what we will do. That’s it. Another thing: be sure to supply a why – a simple reason as to why you are setting and/ or maintaining a boundary – this really helps with buy-in. (“Because I said so” won’t suffice.). This isn’t about inviting the child into a debate over our reasons or having to justify our rule. Rather, it’s based on an appreciation that simple explanations help kids learn. Rules without reasons lead to rebellion. See if you can hear the difference between the following statements: “Hey! Turn the iPad off! You know the rules – you’re not allowed on the iPad before 4pm!” (Exasperated tone on the verge of pleading or exploding, the parent is annoyed with the child for being disobedient, and doesn’t know how to proceed.) Versus... “It’s not your iPad time right now. We know screen time is quite addictive so, in our family, we don’t turn the iPad on whenever we feel like it. I am going to put it away until it’s your screen time.” (Calm, decisive tone, the parent is feeling in charge.) In the initial response, the parent was telling the child what to do rather than explaining what they, the parent, were going to do. The likely result? A conflict/ power struggle in which the parent can feel helpless – dependent on the child agreeing to comply. In the second approach, however, the focus is on what the parent is going to do. It isn’t a command – the parent is simply stating what’s going to happen. This is more empowering for the parent and communicates more clearly to the child where the line is. By setting boundaries correctly, we reduce the likelihood of power struggles, arguments and back talk. It doesn’t mean children won’t try to get their way. But once you establish that there are rules, and consequences for not following those rules, there will gradually be less and less pushback as kids learn to modify their behaviour to what’s expected of them. Your mission is to teach children how to test their limits respectfully, without being angry or defiant, and to know that ultimately, you, the parent, is in charge. THE BENEFITS OF BOUNDARIES Most importantly, parental boundaries allow kids to feel safe. Secure boundaries set by the parent (not negotiated by the child) reduce anxiety. Rules and routines like meal times, bed times, homework time, chores and screen time – that are set and monitored by the parent – create predictability in a child’s life. Predictability reduces uncertainty, and that reduces anxiety. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a mean or unfair parent, even if your child thinks that way in the heat of the moment. While it’s extremely important for children’s emotions to be heard and validated, you, as the parent, still need to be in charge to create a secure and stable environment for your kids. If children feel they have more power than the adult, if they feel able to dominate the people who are supposed to be in charge, they become anxious and insecure. The bottom line: in a power struggle with your child, you have to be the clear winner. Importantly too, parental limits disrupt narcissism and entitlement. Early-development narcissism is normal and appropriate in small children, but unless it is eventually disrupted, children grow up believing the world revolves around them. By setting boundaries, we are allowing our children to understand that they can’t always get their own way; we are teaching patience and maturity. Ultimately, kids who understand the meaning of “limits” grow up grounded – sensible, realistic and well-equipped to function in the world outside the home. Lack of boundaries skews kids’ sense of themselves: it encourages them to believe that the people around them exist simply to meet their needs. Children without boundaries will get a rude awakening when they don’t always get what they want later in life, and they will have a hard time relating to others. If our children know that there is a limit to how much comfort and pleasure we will provide, they can learn to cope with disappointment. As an added bonus, the mild disappointment brought about by boundary setting can also help children develop empathy – for others who have experienced discomfort and disappointment. At the end of the day, children benefit and learn from struggling a bit. In any developmental task, from walking to talking to learning to read or drive a car, kids need to struggle – that’s how they mature and come to master new things. If we bring our children up with the expectation that that they will always be “in charge,” they will always want things to be easy; they will grow up expecting others to remove struggle and fix their disappointments for them. A parent in charge knows it is not only OK for a child to struggle with a limit or a rule, it can actually be in their best interests. The lines between safe and unsafe, healthy and unhealthy aren’t always something we can tangibly see, especially if we’re a child with limited life experience. As parents, we need to help our kids clearly understand where the boundaries lie. Our children may not be happy or thrilled about the boundary but, when it comes down to it, our kids should not dictate our boundaries, and we should not dictate their feelings.

With the long vac over, are you relieved to have your life back or consumed by the back-to-school blues? Beverly Au reports It’s back to school next week – so why do I feel so sad? Is it because I’m heading into Year 12 with months of revision coming up, followed by some pretty momentous exams? Is it because I’m about to start secondary school and don’t like the sound of it at all? Or is it because I’m the new girl in town, just moved to Discovery Bay from overseas, expecting to be the loneliest student in class? No. I’m a mum. I’m one of those mums who other, arguably saner, mothers giggle about. I’m that mum who simply can’t get enough of her kids. I feel sad because the summer holidays are almost over, and they’re my favourite time of year. Truth is, I begin to mourn the loss of each summer even before it’s over, as the last days of the holiday seem to signify the end of an entire year rather than just another season. With the first day back at school for the autumn term, my children move up a class and gain a year in a matter of moments: there are new teachers and pupils to get to know, tougher rules and new expectations to wrestle with, and the age they were a few weeks ago seems lost forever. FAMILY TIME LIKE NO OTHER When the kids are back at school it will be back to that relentless routine – up at 7am, off to school at 8am, home at 4pm with homework, music practice, supper and a bit of YouTube time (MrBeast) before that final heave to get them into bed at a reasonable hour. There is so little time just to be together. Conversations are snatched, there’s barely an hour to relax and have fun as a family and we’re all so tired that tempers are easily frayed. Sometimes it feels as though we’re just four individuals leading separate lives, linked by the same house and the children’s immediate needs. I feel like a constant nag getting them through the day; they feel got at and frustrated with too little time to play. But in summer all that evaporates. My babies are my own again. They sleep in and pad around the house in their pyjamas. They eat more, play more together and fight less. Suddenly, the outside pressures are gone. There is more time for silliness, more space for laughter and their faces soften with rest, fresh air and sunshine. They find new and innovative ways to spend their time – mine spent the first two weeks of this year’s holiday swapping bedrooms; a spur-of-the-moment decision made entirely by themselves. As an act of creative upheaval, it was superb: it forced them – and us – to clean out their rooms, reassess their possessions, find forgotten things to play with and chuck out the broken and the useless. Summer is the only holiday when nothing much happens. The Christmas break is full of anxiety, too much money spent and family tensions raised to fever pitch. Easter may be a celebration of spring, but it’s often cold and too much chocolate is consumed. Summer, though, is the season when nagging can stop; we can find our equilibrium as a family again with everyone else away and the diary free of social commitment. It's pleasure enough simply to stay home in DB indulging in some serious downtime: swimming at the club, taking leisurely hikes, and checking out the inflatables at Summer Splashtopia. Then there are the occasional trips into town; a weekend in Coloane maybe. But when Daddy can get a fortnight or so off work, we also like to fly off somewhere. Holidays across Asia are our forté – we love discovering “new” islands: lazing on the beach, getting out on boats, kayaking and snorkelling. Both girls are screaming for their PADI certification. Stays in tropical paradises like Palawan, Koh Tao and Lombok have cemented our sense of family unity and created landmark memories – swimming with dolphins and in phosphorescence, playing hide and seek in the dark, settling in for marathon sessions of Uno. ANOTHER YEAR BEGINNING A child’s growth can almost be measured annually by the holiday snaps, which we linger over as the shops start their back-to-school promotions. I have more pictures of my daughters in swimming costumes eating ice cream on beaches during the summer months than at any other time of year. Each new picture resembles the last – blue sky, yellow sand, rocky trails and happy, sun-tanned faces. Only the child is slightly different, the younger one losing her curls, her baby fat; the elder one slowly developing the physique of a woman, with fuller lips and lengthening limbs. With each new set of photographs there is a sad reminder of how few summers like this there are ahead of us. The last few days of the summer holiday are a time of reflection. We tend to spend them alone without plans or playdates. Perhaps we will indulge ourselves with one final treat, a third visit to the Naked Flowers exhibition in TST is high on my youngest’s bucket list. Perhaps we’ll simply hunker down at home to prepare for what is to come, dreaming up interesting packed lunches, buying new sport shoes, sorting out the uniform. This year’s “back to school” seems doubly significant as my 12-year-old starts secondary school and we will all have to navigate uncharted territory. New buildings, new teachers – by subject this time rather than form – a timetable, new friends to make and an entirely different route to school which she will soon have to, and want to, navigate alone. Give it a few weeks and my eldest won’t need me to sit with her on the ferry as she starts the commute to her new school in Tuen Mun. Part of me is thrilled that we’ve reached this milestone, the other is so very sad. My daughter is not just a year older, but embarking on a whole new phase of her life. Starting secondary school feels like the official beginning of her adolescence and the number of future happy summers together seem even more limited. Countless parents complain about the length of the summer holidays: one whole month of family time without structure, without respite, with “nothing” to fill the days. They are no doubt looking forward to the new round of school runs followed by some well-earned time for themselves. It may be an unfashionable admission and make me the mum other saner mothers laugh about, but the school holidays are never long enough for me.

Boarding school can feel like boot camp – or the best thing since sliced bread. Would your child benefit from the experience? Ray Au takes a look Finding the right school for your child is as big a job now as it has ever been, with options aplenty and the standard of education at an all-time high. Hong Kong’s international schools are regarded among the world’s best, but many families are excited by the benefits a boarding school education can bring, whether that means basing their children overseas or right here in the territory. Certainly, what the boarding school system can offer looks good on paper. It provides children with a structured approach to both academic studies and extracurricular activities, with 24/7 access to sports and recreation facilities. There’s also social interaction with friends and peers of all ages, the opportunity to learn personal and social responsibility, zero travel time to school… safety and supervision. But what’s the reality? What are the pros and cons? HOME OR AWAY? For many parents, the idea of children boarding in Hong Kong appeals, as it guarantees everyone the best of both worlds – work-orientated weekdays, in which children are cared for 24/7 within the school campus, and family-focused weekends. Indeed, one of the biggest criticisms that can be made of the boarding school system is that the influence family has on a young person’s life is compromised. Arguably, the best education happens when a student is benefiting from both a close-knit, supportive home environment and also an excellent school environment – and this is where weekly boarders benefit. They have teachers and “house parents” to look to – to help them succeed and to help them thrive – but they also have the constant hands-on support and influence of their own families. There’s no doubt many families struggle to get quality time during the week. Parents work long hours and are often late home, meaning children are left either to fend for themselves, or in the hands of helpers. Equally, weekly boarding removes the daily commute to and from school many children have to make, meaning they have more time to relax – and do their homework – in the evenings. Living apart during the week, boarders – and their parents – can plan and look forward to dedicated family time at the weekends. Full-time overseas boarders, meanwhile, get round-the-clock education and a built-in social life, and for expat kids being schooled in their “home country” can be a tremendously grounding experience. For parents who want their children to be totally immersed in an educational environment, and/ or have busy careers themselves, it’s clear that a full-time boarding school has much to offer. Parents who feel that Hong Kong is a “small pond” in which to grow up are interested in the options that open up to overseas boarders – it’s not just about classroom learning, it’s about resilience skills, leadership skills, and all that comes through the wider experience of sports, outdoor activities and a lot of dynamic social contact with many other schools. Whole person education is not the preserve of the boarding school system but it is a specialty. ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE Living and studying within the school community, whether weekly or full-time, boarders have access to top-notch sports, music and arts facilities, as well as academic societies. Everything on campus is geared to their betterment and/ or enjoyment, and their needs are prioritised. They get to socialise, and learn to cope independently alongside their peers, without leaving the school premises – and all of this is happening under the watchful eye of teachers who are mentors, not helpers or baby-sitters. Boarding schools tend to have not just great teachers but specialist facilities, meaning they are able to cater to children with abilities that are either above or below average. With small classes, study hall hours, and access to teachers that live on campus, most boarders feel the benefit and find they can excel inside the classroom and out. Parents who are drawn to the boarding school system value the sheer volume of academics, athletics and extracurricular activities on offer, but there is a potential downside – overworked, overstretched kids. For some children, having such a packed timetable can be too much; the pressure to excel in all aspects of school life can be overwhelming. SOCIAL ADVANTAGES Many boarding schools used to be like barracks – complete with lumpy mattresses, cold showers and early-morning-runs – but nowadays, they’re much more luxurious. Boarders get all the fun of living with their friends, sharing a dorm, or a room as they get older. Every night feels like a slumber party, plus they get a built-in social life. Boarders, particularly those without siblings, benefit from the constant companionship; they never have to look far if they need a friend to hang out with or vent to about their stress. With dozens of mates on tap from the moment they wake up till the second they fall asleep, the bonds of friendship that boarders develop are incredibly strong and often these relationships endure long into adult life. Boarders come to rely heavily on their friends, and they feel secure within such a tight-knit community. But there’s an obvious disadvantage to all this – boarders have a hard time getting any privacy and, during term time, they seldom get a break from their friends. Living at such close quarters may be tremendous fun when everyone is getting along, but when they’re not, disputes, even serious issues can arise. Equally, many boarders find themselves friendless when they come home for the holidays. They may not know the children in their neighbourhood and they likely won’t have formed any strong ties with them. Boarders mature more quickly than their day-schooled peers, which also sets them apart and can increase their feelings of isolation when they’re away from school. A TASTE OF FREEDOM But there’s an obvious disadvantage to all this – boarders have a hard time getting any privacy and, during term time, they seldom get a break from their friends. Living at such close quarters may be tremendous fun when everyone is getting along, but when they’re not, disputes, even serious issues can arise. Equally, many boarders find themselves friendless when they come home for the holidays. They may not know the children in their neighbourhood and they likely won’t have formed any strong ties with them. Boarders mature more quickly than their day-schooled peers, which also sets them apart and can increase their feelings of isolation when they’re away from school. There’s no doubt that boarders are carefully supervised but at the same time, they are encouraged to be independent and selfsupporting. They are treated like young adults, and most respond well, learning to cope on their own and to enjoy doing so. Living within a community, they find they have to learn to get along with other students and take responsibility for their own actions. On the other hand, the blessing of being free of parents can also be a kind of curse. It’s unusual for boarders not to suffer from homesickness at least initially, and separation anxiety can resurface at stressful times. Being trusted to make their own decisions is one thing, but boarders may miss having mum and dad around to hold their hands at crucial stages in their school career, for instance when they are choosing which subjects to study at 16 or making college applications. One thing’s for sure, some children find it easier to leave the nest than others; some are ready to make the transition age 13, while others struggle to do so even at 18. Now that you’ve weighed up the pros and cons, only you can make the decision. Would your child benefit from a boarding school education?

Childbirth is like running a marathon, you have to train for it. Beverly Au finds out how Pregnancy can be the most wonderful time in a woman’s life, but it can also be fraught with stressful challenges, as your body makes the biggest change of all, adapting itself for the birth of another human life. With the physical strain, the food cravings and the general effort required simply to get out and about, it becomes easy to let your body go. But it doesn’t have to be this way. From the plethora of fitness techniques and mindand-body exercises available, pregnant women need only take their pick when putting together a well-rounded exercise programme. The best advice is to keep moving: it’s simple, the more you keep active before you give birth, the easier your life will be post-pregnancy. Time to talk prenatal Pilates, yoga, sophrology and more. PREPARE WITH PRENATAL PILATES The focus on breathwork, balance, control and alignment in Pilates make it a great candidate for prenatal workouts. To be clear, however, not all Pilates exercises are appropriate for pregnancy. The most important first step is finding an instructor who is prenatal-certified to help you navigate the necessary modifications. The good news is, there is so much you can do! Prenatal Pilates exercises are modified throughout a pregnancy to suit the needs of your ever-changing body; special props and apparatus are used to ensure safety and comfort. Not only this but prenatal Pilates is a great way to exercise without putting undue stress on the joints, helping to keep you mobile and ready to recover shape and tone after birth. Prenatal Pilates focuses on the deep core muscles and helps you maintain a strong connection to your pelvic floor. This will help prevent diastasis recti, pelvic floor dysfunction and back pain – common issues that arise from pregnancy. Prenatal Pilates helps with joint instability, muscular imbalances and ligament pain, all of which are common as baby grows. It also boosts breath connection, control and mechanics, which can make breathing more comfortable during pregnancy, and also during labour and delivery, enabling you to feel not just the contraction of the muscles but also the release. ROLL OUT THE YOGA MAT Improving strength, stamina, posture and breathing, yoga is another popular way to stay fit during pregnancy. In fact, a surprising number of women come to yoga for the first time when they are expecting because it’s such a soothing way to stay active. A range of techniques are covered, from physical exercises such as stretching to breathwork and meditation. Amazingly, yoga can help rotate a breech or posterior baby, reducing the possibility of a caesarean section. Select poses can also shorten the birth canal up to 30% when practiced during labour and delivery, and squatting poses shorten the distance baby has to travel. Breathing is, of course, the very essence of giving birth, that and body awareness. Prenatal yoga teaches forms of breath that can help alleviate heartburn and morning sickness, and help you push or control the urge to push during labour and delivery. Breathing techniques learnt in yoga class can also help to relieve the stress experienced by expectant mums as they wait for baby’s arrival. Some prenatal yoga classes also focus on Savasana, which involves the complete and total relaxation of every part of your body. During 15-minute Savasana sessions, women are encouraged to centre themselves and meditate. It’s important to have a positive awareness of your child throughout your pregnancy, and post-meditation, expectant mums are encouraged to put their hands on their stomachs and have a conversation with their unborn child. EXPERIMENT WITH HIP ALTERNATIVES In France, where the method originated, Sophrology is one of the top four methods pregnant women use to get in shape, and it’s one of the top two in Korea. Sophrology, originating from yoga, provides quick, effective mind/ body exercises to boost relaxion, focus and wellbeing. Sophrology helps improve sleep, concentration, selfconfidence, and above all, it helps pregnant women become aware of their bodies. Classes focus on four attitudes: no judgement, living each moment as though it were your first, putting any preconceived ideas into a box, and repeating all three again, asking how the body is reacting to each one. Growing in popularity internationally, the selfhypnosis techniques of hypnobirthing use the power of suggestion to alleviate expectant mums’ fears in order to make pregnancy and labour less stressful and in some cases, less painful. The technique taps into a part of the brain that helps you cope with fear and anxiety. Hypnosis during pregnancy won’t make you lose control or think you’re someone else. It’s a way of altering your awareness, so that your subconscious (feelings, memories, emotions) comes to the forefront, while your conscious (rational) mind takes a back seat. Hypnobirthing classes teach you to use deep breathing, relaxation, visualisation, affirmations and hypnosis scripts. Once the analytical part of your mind relaxes, you become more receptive to positive suggestions and affirmations. When it comes to using these self-hypnosis techniques during labour, the theory is this: if you’re scared, your body responds by producing adrenaline, a hormone that makes tense muscles more tense. This means your uterus has to work harder to contract and relax. With effective hypnosis, your breathing is more even, which means more oxygen reaches you and your baby. Stress can hinder the production of oxytocin (the hormone that controls contractions) and endorphins (the feel-good natural chemicals) and prolong labour. Staying relaxed helps with the ultimate goal – keeping the oxytocin flowing, so contractions are more effective and potentially less painful. Other practitioners will tell you that acupuncture can be hugely beneficial for pregnant women, reducing morning sickness and alleviating back and pelvic pain. Acupuncture helps relax the nervous system and promote the release of endorphins, leading you to feel relaxed and at ease after each treatment. Some pregnant women find that acupuncture also helps improve their sleep quality. Acupuncture can help postpartum too. During your fourth trimester, after baby is born, acupuncture supports hormone rebalancing, and can help with breast milk production, fatigue and anxiety. Being birth fit – physically, mentally and emotionally – involves releasing fear and focusing on the task ahead in a positive light. It’s about setting yourself an achievable exercise routine, and preparing mentally with hypnosis, visualisation, breathwork, touch relaxation and birth rehearsals. Whichever prenatal class you choose, or combination of classes, you will feel the benefit of meeting up with other mums-to-be to share birth plans, fears and feelings. Talking about your emotions and staying focused and fit mentally is hugely important during pregnancy – a good prenatal fitness class often doubles as a therapy session and support group. Whatever your method, be sure to get clearance from your healthcare provider before undertaking a prenatal exercise programme. Get this sorted, and you are well on your way to a healthy, happy pregnancy.

Help your kids live in the moment – it’s easy for them to do and they’ll reap the benefits As mental health gains the recognition it deserves, we as parents are becoming more proactive in addressing our children’s emotional wellbeing. We are looking to mindfulness practices to help children navigate their emotions, focus better on tasks, build resilience and reduce stress. Mindfulness programmes are now commonly found in schools, and it’s something we can teach our kids at home, in a fun and engaging way. Mindfulness has become a household term, and it has its roots in Buddhist meditation. The aim is to train yourself to focus on the present moment. You become aware of what’s going on inside and around you – your thoughts, feelings, sensations and environment. You observe these moments without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, we can develop a better understanding of our emotions and reactions, leading to a calmer, more balanced approach to life. Mindfulness can involve a sitting meditation that’s practiced in a quiet space. In this practice, you focus on your breathing, or sensations in your body. If your mind wanders, you accept the thoughts that pop in then gently bring your mind back to the present moment. But mindfulness doesn’t have to be done sitting still or in silence. You can integrate the practice into things you do every day, like walking or eating. You can also be mindful when interacting with others. Kids can start engaging in simple mindfulness practices at a very young age, even as young as preschool. The key is to keep the practices ageappropriate and enjoyable. For younger children, mindfulness can be as simple as focusing on the breath, or paying attention to the sensations of the body. As they grow older, they can explore more structured practices, such as meditation. INTRODUCING THE CONCEPT It can be difficult for adults to focus on the now: we often spend more time thinking about what’s coming up in the future, or dwelling on things in the past. But children, little kids in particular, naturally live in the moment, which means that mindfulness comes easily to them; all you need to do is explain the concept in a way that they can understand. Start by asking your child to pay full attention to what they’re doing or feeling at a given moment. Ask them to notice how the sun feels on their skin, or how their body feels when they run. Ask them questions to get them thinking about their experiences. For instance, “How did it feel when you bit into that apple?” or “What did you notice when you were playing outside?” By engaging in mindfulness practices together, you can make sure it’s a shared, enjoyable experience. Use simple language and resources, like mindfulness apps or books, to make the learning process engaging and relatable. Have a “mindful moment” together, where you both sit and notice things around you, then have a light-hearted chat about what you saw and felt. Aim to create a supportive environment for mindfulness practice, where children feel safe and encouraged to explore at their own pace. Set time aside each day for mindfulness practice and encourage your child to discuss their experiences. Mindfulness is a skill that develops over time, so be patient; celebrate your child’s efforts along the way. When children are old enough, let them know that practicing mindfulness can help them understand their feelings better and make school or home life feel easier. Encourage them to enjoy the calm and clarity that comes with regular practice. 6 EXERCISES TO DO AT HOME When introducing mindfulness, the key is to keep it simple, fun and engaging. The practices listed below can help you make mindfulness a natural and enjoyable part of your child’s daily life. 1. Introduce your child to the practice of mindful breathing: teach them “teddy bear breathing”, where they hold a stuffed animal on their belly while taking deep breaths. Encourage them to notice the rise and fall of their belly as they breathe in and out, and to watch as the teddy bear moves up and down with the breath. Another way to make mindful breathing fun is to practice “cool the pizza breathing”: ask your child to pretend to cool down a hot pizza with gentle, slow breaths. 2. Sit together in a quiet space and count your breaths: breathe in through your nose to a count of four, hold for 1 second and then exhale through the mouth to a count of five. Repeat often. 3. Spend time outdoors and encourage your child to engage their senses mindfully . As you walk, ask your child to pay attention to all the sights and sounds around them. You can also practice mindful eating: ask your child to focus on the taste, textures and flavours of an ice-cream as they eat it. 4. Encourage journaling: invite your child to write a story or draw a picture about their day, emphasising the emotions they felt or the things they’re grateful for. 5. Practice Savasana: guide your child through a relaxation exercise by asking them to focus on relaxing each body part, one at a time. 6. Introduce meditation through short, simple sessions. Use calming background sounds or guided meditations specifically designed for children to enhance the experience. BENEFITS TO REAP Mindfulness is so much more than a quiet moment of reflection. It's a practice that can cultivate emotional wellbeing: take a look. Mindfulness gives children a sense of ownership over their thoughts and emotions because it encourages them to notice their feelings without immediate reaction. This awareness creates a space between feeling an emotion and responding to it, which can be particularly helpful in managing anger or frustration. In a world full of distractions, having the skills to focus has never been more important. Mindfulness practices can help children to quiet their minds, pay attention to a single task at hand, and enhance their concentration. Children can experience stress, whether from schoolwork, peer interactions, or family dynamics. Mindfulness practices, such as mindful breathing, can help reduce stress by promoting a relaxed state of mind. By practising mindfulness, children can become more aware of their own thoughts and feelings, meaning they develop a greater understanding and empathy toward the feelings of others. This can lead to improved relationships with peers, siblings and parents. Mindfulness practice can help children unwind, clear their minds of worry and relax. With a calm and clear mind, falling asleep can become a much easier task. Life is full of ups and downs: mindfulness helps kids build a buffer against adversities by cultivating a resilient mindset. When practiced regularly, it can help children bounce back from challenges with a more positive outlook. By promoting a sense of calm, enhancing emotional regulation and boosting focus and resilience, mindfulness lays a strong foundation for a balanced and positive life. When introducing mindfulness to your kids, do them a favour – make it fun!

To raise great children, you first need to become a great parent. Check out five trending methodologies that will set you up for 2025 As we approach 2025, several key trends are emerging that reflect parents’ everevolving priorities and challenges. These trends encompass mental health awareness, technology-driven innovations, personalised education options and a deepened focus on sustainability and inclusivity. Parents are also learning from the past: jettisoning the overly permissive parenting styles of recent years in favour of – dare we say it – more of an old-school, authoritative approach that’s tried-and tested, and proven to make family life easier. Let’s dive into some of the trends that parents are embracing in order to set the stage for a generation that is resilient, empathetic and well-prepared for the future. LIGHTHOUSE PARENTING Lighthouse parenting, currently trending, is something we can definitely expect to see a lot of in 2025. The term was popularised by Dr Kenneth Ginsburg, a paediatrician and author, who coined the phrase to describe a grounded and everpresent parenting style that combines a desire to nurture and protect with an understanding that children need the freedom to find their own way. As Dr Ginsburg puts it, “Our job as parents is to stand steady, like a lighthouse, to guide our children, not to steer every move they make.” Lighthouse parenting strikes a balance between two extremes – on the one hand, there’s helicopter parenting with parents ever-ready to swoop in at the first sign of distress. On the other hand, there’s hands-off parenting, which prioritises children’s independence above all else. Lighthouse parenting takes the middle ground, emphasising guidance over control, and resilience over dependence. Lighthouse parenting means being emotionally available and creating a home environment where kids feel safe to express their feelings, ask questions and make mistakes. It’s also about guiding children through challenges rather than solving problems for them. There’s an understanding that children who are allowed to take risks and work through problems on their own tend to be more resilient and better equipped to handle stress. By promoting self-efficacy, lighthouse parenting builds a strong foundation for emotional intelligence and problem-solving. It encourages kids to see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than crises to be avoided. Having reflected on the mistakes that created the “snowflake” generation – a term that denotes weakness, self-entitlement and an inability to cope with life’s realities – today’s parents are refusing to mollycoddle. The aim is to protect children, without engendering dependency; to make children feel special, without enabling egotism or complacency; to inform children about the world, without encouraging irrational anxieties, victimism and nihilism. (No easy task!) At the end of the day, overprotective parenting is a habit that’s begging to be broken. “Benign neglect” is a buzzword for 2025 that’s not as contentious as it sounds. Does it mean ignoring children completely? Of course not. But it does mean taking a step back from intensive parenting styles and letting kids, well, be kids. Parents are deciding to take a backseat – letting children be bored on the bus instead of handing them a tablet, letting them fail a class instead of doing their homework for them, letting them fight their own battles and come out stronger as a result. GENTLE-ISH PARENTING The gentle parenting philosophy has been saturating parents’ social media feeds for some years; the goal being to raise confident, independent and happy children through empathy, respect, understanding and discussion. But moving into 2025, gentle parenting continues to morph into a new form, with parental authority getting more of a look in. Instead of focusing on punishment and reward, gentle parenting focuses on improving a child’s selfawareness and understanding of their own behaviour. But all too often it is confused with permissiveness… which is where gentle-ish parenting comes in. Children need limits and a certain amount of structure to best function – and increasingly, parents want to be more consistent with discipline. Rather than feeling they have to accommodate children’s negative behaviour, they want to know they can set limits and follow through with consequences. Importantly, today’s form of discipline is not about punishment: rather than spanking and timeouts, parents are instead putting strong boundaries and limits in place, giving children a roadmap for the behaviour that’s expected of them. Gentleish parenting leaves room for discussion – there’s an acceptance that modern children need to understand the “why” behind parental rules in order to comply with them – but there’s also an acceptance that there are times when parents have to stand firm and rule the roost. ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS As concerns about climate change and sustainability become even more pressing, eco-conscious parenting continues to grow in importance. Parents are becoming increasingly aware of their environmental impact and are striving to raise their children with values that prioritise sustainability. This trend encompasses everything from using ecofriendly nappies and baby products to choosing sustainable clothing, toys and even educational resources. Additionally, eco-conscious parenting involves making greener choices in day-to-day life, such as minimising plastic usage, opting for secondhand items, and supporting brands that prioritise ethical production and environmental stewardship. Eco-conscious parenting involves not just teaching kids to care about environmental issues but also implementing the eco-forward ideas they bring home, courtesy of their peers and teachers. The aim is to empower children in their efforts to “be the change” whether that’s by putting them in charge of the recycling, helping them eat sustainably or allowing them to host a clothes swap for friends. TECH-SAVVY PARENTING With the rapid advancement of technology, techsavvy parenting is expected to continue evolving through 2025. Parents are increasingly relying on apps and devices to monitor their children’s wellbeing, whether it’s through smart baby monitors, AI-powered educational tools, or healthtracking wearables. Technology is playing an essential role in making parenting more efficient and informed, offering parents data on their child’s sleep patterns, nutrition, or even emotional health. However, along with the benefits, tech-savvy parenting also requires parents to navigate the challenges of screen-time management and digital safety. Many parents are becoming more deliberate in teaching their children about responsible technology use, emphasising digital literacy and helping kids balance their onand off-line lives. With this in mind, sharenting – posting the highs and lows of raising children online – is finally, definitely over. Growing concerns about AI-generated imagery, as well as facial recognition and the commercial use of personal data, mean that parents are becoming much more cautious about sharing content related to their children on social media. There’s also children’s digital footprint to consider: something sharenting creates, often long before the child can even understand what that means. PERSONALISED EDUCATION The education landscape is undergoing a transformation and, in 2025, personalised education options are expected to be more mainstream. Flexible schooling models, such as hybrid homeschooling, online learning platforms and micro-schools, are becoming increasingly popular among parents who want a more tailored approach to their children’s education. Parents are seeking out educational environments that cater to their child’s unique learning style, offering more individualised attention than traditional schools. This shift is partly driven by dissatisfaction with the one-size-fits-all approach of traditional schooling, as well as the increasing demand for digital skills in the modern economy. In this new model, parents are taking a more active role in their children’s education: as with all the trends we’ve looked at for 2025, the main aim is to ensure kids grow up resilient and well-prepared for the future.