Peter Sherwood takes a look at the future of tourism in Hong Kong (with abject apologies to Disney)
PHOTO COURTESY OF Adobe Stock
Peter Sherwood takes a look at the future of tourism in Hong Kong (with abject apologies to Disney)
PHOTO COURTESY OF Adobe Stock
Like Trump, I probably shouldn’t have this government document in my possession, but then neither should I eat thick-crust, chocolate pizza. I call this official paper The Desperate Document, one of a range of inspired suggestions from civil servants to preserve their iron rice bowls by way of the Peter Principle: “People in any hierarchy will eventually be promoted to their level of incompetence.” This, while the elite can take credit for any award-winning ideas and the underlings get a mention in dispatches.
Even the most grandiose – if idiotic – notions can gain traction and be implemented. If you don’t believe that try the brilliantly conceived Hong Kong– Zhuhai–Macau Bridge, and the exciting prospect of a multi-trillion-dollar, man-made island off Lantau – to house a million people we don’t have. Questions might be asked about pover ty relief instead, but there are no international headlines to be had with poor people, the thinking being they should have worked harder at school. A bit late when you’re 95 and living in a bedspace.
No, if we want to grab serious international attention, we need exciting stuff that projects our official logo as ‘Asia’s World City’ (instead of ‘One of Asia’s World Cities’… or something). We need tourists, millions of ‘em. (Tourism was once described by The Times columnist Bernard Levin as as “the worst of the isms”.)
My (their) secret document provides some clues. A zipline for the adventure traveller, sliding down a wire from a great height and for that you need… a great height, and we’ve got lots. A major zipline would cost a for tune but give us a shot at inclusion in the Pantheon of Dumb Ideas.
Of course, we’d have competition: The Monster in Puerto Rico is 8,300-feet long and, like on most of the longest zips, riders reach close to a terrifying 160km/hr. ZipRider at Mexico’s Copper Canyon drops 1,450 feet at the same rate of knots. The daddy of them all in the UAE, Jais Flight, sits atop the country’s highest mountain at 6,345 feet with a hair-raising 9,284 feet of zip.
How to compete? Try these doozies: Hong Kong’s Victoria Peak to the waterfront in Kowloon. After months of investigative work, it was agreed that the rider would hit the Hong Kong Cultural Centre at warp speed leaving an outline in the bricks like Wile E. Coyote in The Road Runner Show, before ending up in the Peninsula hotel lobby as body parts. Lantau Peak to Macau was doubtful from the start, given the airport runway’s mindless interference. Sunset Peak on Lantau to Victoria Peak on Hong Kong Island was carefully considered before being reluctantly rejected as ‘utterly insane’ but with a distinction award for the huge cost and no return. It’s believed that the idea has not been forgotten, as Disneyland is old news and becomes ever more tedious as a vast money pit.
And why not? A Sunset Peak to Victoria Peak zipline could still be a winner with the world’s media, positioning Hong Kong as a contender for World’s Most White Elephants. Oh, and happy April Fool’s Day!
Peter Sherwood has lived in DB for 20+ years. The former head of an international public relations firm, he is the author of 15 books and has written around 400 satirical columns for the South China Morning Post.