‘Tis the season to be Joycean: Peter Sherwood provides his annual Xmas rant, letting it all out in stream of consciousness without pause for breath or irritating punctuation [PHOTO COURTESY OF Adobe Stock]
‘Tis the season to be Joycean: Peter Sherwood provides his annual Xmas rant, letting it all out in stream of consciousness without pause for breath or irritating punctuation [PHOTO COURTESY OF Adobe Stock]
Write something for Christmas she said so here is something for Xmas and worse annoyances with a look at imbecilic aspects of humanity of vacuous and galactically ridiculous stuff no one notices like the pompous trend for everyone on TV to refer to every subject as a space as in the work space the IT space sugary drinks space and the space space and from where this intellectually deficient lunacy emerges I’ve no idea but it makes me want to hurl my cat through the screen as inane journalists with obsessive compulsive disorder start rabbiting on about drawing a line in the sand why always sand not mud or wet cement and the brain exploding irritant of on the ground I feel like whacking everyone at CNN over the noggin on the ground with a wet toilet brush what about the pointless that’s a really good question so you don’t have to give a really good answer and don’t start me on Australian TV and the childish debate whether the majority white population might give the original inhabitants who arrived 59 765 000 years before them a bit of a say in how the place is run but apparently 24 314 225 days without cricket doesn’t count but the sky high property price space does and should this massive house of cards collapse Aussies will be holidaying in the Bali space via dugout canoes and not a business class air ticket because you only need to be environmentally friendly on the ground in the nature space and to hell with a carbon footprint five and a half times bigger than the back of the bus while tourism the worst of the isms asks us to explore a planet packed with 8 billion people on an adventurous Mediterranean cruise with 5000 vultures for 24 hour buffets the only adventure is some exotic gastrointestinal event and being mugged in Naples and don’t talk to me about sports interviews and par ticipants who should be tasered and all involved forced to watch 72 hours of synchronized swimming from North Korea and amazing incredible tennis shots and awesome epithets normally reserved for the cosmos applied liberally to Federer’s racket then there’s the Mr Obvious tennis commentator with how that volley found the bottom of the net yes we saw it you clown and he should have bent his knees more and he knows it yes he does know it he just did it which is why he is smashing his bat into the umpires shins you dope and why do tennis players wear their caps on backwards and Jeff bloody Bezos gurgling on about saving the planet from the deck of his US$500 million yacht and how’s that for a carbon footprint bigger than a million Indian villages please go to Mars Jeff take all the billionaires with you and don’t come back what about the thrashing to death of the gratuitous phrase going forward it used to be in the future forgetting that everything is anyway so there it is be merry in the Xmas space on the ground
Peter Sherwood has lived in DB for 20+ years. The former head of an international public relations firm, he is the author of 15 books and has written around 400 satirical columns for the South China Morning Post.